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Why have a Funeral Service?
Many people say ‘I don’t want a service; I want to keep it simple’.
A funeral service can be simple and affordable whilst giving the opportunity to say goodbye.
“Many clients had the perception that such a choice would shield their loved ones from the pain of their death. In my opinion and experience nothing could be further from the reality. The funeral ritual is so very important , that doesn’t mean it has to be exorbitant, especially for the closest loved ones.” Coman Reynolds
People need time to mourn the loss of family and friends. A funeral service fills this need and provides people with an important place to share in their grief and help the living say goodbye. Grief is hard, sometimes unbearable, but certainly doesn’t go away if we try to deny it happens.
A Funeral:
• Offers finality and understanding that loved ones have died – the task of arranging the funeral, attending the viewing, planning the ceremony, giving a eulogy all help to counter reactions like the fog of numbness and disbelief.
• Allows us to show our feelings in a safe place – they spell out messages that say grief is normal, you don’t have to be brave, there’s no shame in tears.
• Provides an opportunity to acknowledge the life of a loved one and for family and friends to support each other in their grief.
Funerals are for the living
We need to say our goodbyes, we need to grieve, we need to be with people to give and receive support and we need some form of goodbye, even a simple one, to help us cope.
We can underestimate just how much value a funeral can be to us. Since time began, all cultures have created rituals to honour their dead – they knew that we have a need to acknowledge what the person meant to us and know that they have been respectfully ‘laid to rest’.
When someone dies, the funeral is not for them, it’s about them. The funeral is for everyone who knew, loved and was connected to that person. This is a simple fact.
For some people, the word ‘funeral’ misrepresents the fact they may want a simple farewell. You don’t have to call it a funeral; call it a gathering, a tribute, a farewell, a ceremony, a send-off, a get-together, a celebration of life, whatever suits you best.
Funerals are about good grief
A funeral helps to get the grief moving so that it doesn’t get stuck inside.
Researchers and psychologists are very clear in their message about funerals and grief: participating in a funeral helps to counter the initial effects of grief like shock, numbness and disbelief. Funerals underpin a necessary part of grieving as they reinforce the reality that the death has actually happened.
We need to allow our grief to surface and a funeral provides a safe and appropriate place to show and share our feelings with others. This sets the foundations for ‘good grief’ or healthy grieving. As human beings, we need to grieve.
Funerals are for support
A funeral is seen as the right time and place for people to be together to talk, to support each other, to reminisce and tell stories, to pay their respects, to let you know that they care about you.
Having this kind of support is vital in the weeks and months after the funeral when the reality of the loss really starts to sink in, and we have to adapt to a life without someone who mattered to us.
What if a funeral does not suit your situation?
Having a funeral service does not suit every family and their situation.
A Direct Cremation is where no funeral service is held.
We transfer the deceased into our care, the cremation takes place at our crematorium and the ashes are returned to you.
As there is no funeral service, it’s important for those grieving who choose a Direct Cremation, that they do something that gives them the opportunity to remember, honour and celebrate the person who has died.
Some ideas are a memorial service later, lighting a candle, a gathering with family when ashes are scattered.
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